I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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