really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
