I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
