do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
being pregnant is like rehab
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
