he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
