I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
