i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
