Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
