you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
