nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You made out with two different species that night
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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