her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I think your dad took our porno
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
