just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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