So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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