You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
