i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
