I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
