I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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