his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just invented taco cereal.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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