It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
