if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
