im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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