Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Sorry about my life...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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