I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
