he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
