If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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