marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
