i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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