I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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