Just cropdusted the office
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize