Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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