I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize