So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
