If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
