You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
