if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize