I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
