What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
