When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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