Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
