Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
