The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
