Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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