The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
