what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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