Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
