I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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