i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
