Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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