dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
