Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
