She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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