I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
