I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
