the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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