You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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