i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
