How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
