If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
