I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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