Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
