he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
