You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
