I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
