just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I need moral support for this bender
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
