I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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