Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
