You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
