Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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