where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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