I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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