how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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