no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
