Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
