are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Randomize
