he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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