Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
