he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
