There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
