I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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