just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
