Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
