May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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