chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
