Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
