Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
