I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Enjoy the penises
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
