Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
