So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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