I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
