last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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