you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
