I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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