He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize