i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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