I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
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