"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
organizing the empties. That sober.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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