The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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