i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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