sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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