Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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