i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
